its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
