I just saw a hot homeless man
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
you had me at cake vodka
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Randomize