having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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