The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
