I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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