i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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