Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Randomize
