He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
