I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I had to cum in my sink.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
