Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
