If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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