how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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