Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
