we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
