Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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