i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
