I'm lost and stupid without you.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
