Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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