fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Operation Purity has been aborted
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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