They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
