Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Randomize
