I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
