I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
