sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
