I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
