Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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