Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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