Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
