Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
