One girl and one boy is just not enough.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
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