three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
