when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
