I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I wear drunk well.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
