he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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