After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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