Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize