are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Your cock deserves a montage
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
