Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
