You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
