That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
