well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
