I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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