why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
