I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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