I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
