3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize