Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize