youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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