i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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