Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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