I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
