I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
