An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
