Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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