Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
