Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize