it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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