So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
