this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Just high enough for therapy.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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