R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
