Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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