The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Randomize
