In the future we'll all be gay
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
