i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
3 2 1 whiskey
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
