he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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