just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I supernannyed him into submission
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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