yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
