i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
And then he peed in my hair
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