my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
